.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drunk is not a location!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
