We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
