I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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