I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
