Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs