he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come