I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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