His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing