dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."