He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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