i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
