That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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