He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
