Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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