I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
