he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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