Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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