My hair reeks of homosexuality.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
