Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
