hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
