She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
