it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
