what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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