i think my mom watched the whole time
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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