just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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