Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
