the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
