my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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