So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
