If i come over, it means nothing
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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