i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
