Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
