who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I color on your dick again?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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