the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
