Just mADE A PArabola og urine
hell yes lets make some ravioli
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
