Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it because I queefed?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
