Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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