if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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