hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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