Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (776) Bad night (2129)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.

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  (919): dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets. http://tfl.nu/v2g2
  Replies (40) Good night (4778) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.

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  (913): "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/szr3
  Replies (61) Good night (859) Bad night (10794) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

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  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
  Replies (6) Good night (3415) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

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  (416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij
  Replies (7) Good night (3580) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

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  (780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf
  Replies (12) Good night (6077) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.

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  (916): let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again. http://tfl.nu/i76s
  Replies (4) Good night (2094) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

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  (410): YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me. http://tfl.nu/lzgg
  Replies (4) Good night (1877) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
  Replies (8) Good night (1478) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.

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  (908): I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon. http://tfl.nu/vwke
  Replies (13) Good night (1678) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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  (201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a
  Replies (6) Good night (756) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?

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  (917): This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case? http://tfl.nu/t5hu
  Replies (4) Good night (665) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me

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  (630): Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me http://tfl.nu/sh43
  Replies (7) Good night (858) Bad night (314)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away

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  (864): Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night? (803): You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away http://tfl.nu/jmsz
  Replies (0) Good night (905) Bad night (165)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  YOU ARE MY HERO

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  (609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso
  Replies (8) Good night (485) Bad night (179)

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