can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FUCK WHALES
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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