In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
