FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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