I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
