i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
