He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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