she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
