when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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