my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
