I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
