You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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