very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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