He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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