Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize