I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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