took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
