Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
