I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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