I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
