oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He shit in the fireplace
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
