No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
