There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
