Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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