i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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