Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
