i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
