Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
