Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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