yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
